Monday, August 9, 2010

Social Graces from Greta



"This... this is my face. It's covered in freckles and the occasional spot and some veins."

Mmmm, this song reminds me of Greta for some reason, probably because of the lyrics in the beginning. I could just see her saying a lot of the stuff in the song. The video doesn't make sense, but it seems hard to find any music videos that make sense nowadays haha. But it's Kate Nash, so that makes up for everything.

ANYWAY, Greta has some lessons in social graces to teach y'all. I just find it funny how she is around other horses. Mares are funny in general.

But anyway, here's Greta....

Hello, my subjects. It's Greta. Greta Golightly. And this... this is my list of my very generous social graces. I say generous because these horses are lucky I even allow them to look at my beautifulness, much less come within a twenty foot radius (even you, next-door-neighbor-Tequila, even you). Now, listen and learn:

  1. Ponies are little impish critters sent to steal your food, probably for some great Pony Overlord or something. You must pin your ears and make ugly faces if they get within a twenty foot radius of your stall, because they WILL steal your food. I haven't seen one do it yet, but I'm taking precautions. I think the Pony Overlord brainwashed the humans to put the mounting block within a twenty-foot radius of my stall so little impish ponies had an excuse to come near my food. As for much smaller ponies, they are evil horse-eating minions for the Pony Overlord and should be avoided at all costs. Spooking is preferable. Sorry, Bre.
  2. I am forced into a pasture with other horses. I tolerate them, and they all seem to want me to like them or something. So I let them come close to me and try and nuzzle me and let them stand next to me, but I try and explain to them that horses can only be within my magnificent presence for no more than ten minutes. Then, they gotta go.
  3. Horses stalled next to me - as of now it is Tequila - have some perks. I will actually humor the idea of being friends with them on certain occasions. I might even neigh at them. But when food or people come around, especially Bre, then I must bare my teeth and make ugly faces at them, because I want to make sure they know that they cannot steal my stuff OR my human. Simple, right?
  4. If you make very cute and inquisitive faces and stick your nose between every stall bar when Bre is near tack box, apples, carrots, or peppermints within one's mouth usually follow.
  5. One must keep an eye on one's human wherever they go while they are tacking up. Because I just know there's food in that tack locker. And it makes Bre laugh when I stand still and watch her, and she tells me silly things like "I'm still here, goober, I'll be right there." Well, Bre, just come back with FOOD!
  6. If a human is riding you, they must ask nicely for a halt. Because I don't like to stop. Even if it means asking several times, because I want to make sure they REALLY want me to halt. Because if they don't, then I have no problem not halting. Same concept applies with everything else under saddle as well.
  7. Oh, and most geldings are jerks, so you should just pin your ears and make ugly faces at them as well. Except very cute ones like Finale. And Odin gets away with things too, because he keeps Bre from riding me for a little bit longer.
  8. When Bre is visting with people in front of your stall, be patient. Wait exactly five minutes through that boring conversation of stupid things like college plans or whatever, and then proceed to make silly faces if they still do not stop. Yawn very big and roll your eyes back and shake your head around. Or play with Bre's hair or fall asleep on her shoulder. Then everyone laughs and pays attention to you again and pets you and starts talking about you. Because talking about me is more important than talking college plans, right, Bre? Right? I'm coming with you to College Station? Well, I guess that counts.... but you're still talking about that silly college stuff and YOUR interests and everything.
  9. And if Bre walks away from your stall and down the aisle to that Mio horse, whicker and nicker until she comes back. Because I am the most important horse here, right? Good, you're coming back. I really am the most important horse to you? Good, because when you walked over to that Mio for ten seconds I was beginning to seriously doubt my faith in you- APPLE! Gimme that!!
Oh, sorry..... but see what you can learn from me?

XOXO - Greta

3 comments:

  1. Omg. Your mare is such a diva! You make her sound like Megan Fox with hooves! I have known some mares with attitude before, but I think your incredibly imaginative projection of Greta's personality takes 'em all. I love it! When's her birthday, anyway? Oh, and that other all-important date: when you two met? Is it May 19th, or was that the day she became yours?

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  2. 不要去想沒拿到的東西,多想想自己手裡所擁有的..................................................

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  3. Haha yes, she is super sweet with people.... just not other horses.

    Her birthday is April 23, 1997 I believe. And I believe we met May 16 or 17, but we had been looking at her on Craigslist for a month. But May 19 was the day papers were officially signed and she was moved to the barn that I was at. Such a wonderful day!

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