The Awkward Voicemail to the Farrier

Roll with me on this one. One subject leads to another. Whoa.

My farrier was late today. This never happens. And my family and I have been using him for seven years now (and yet to go wrong, no joke). He's usually a bit early, and I'm the one that ends up being late, even though technically I'm on time. But I'm not the most punctual person known to man anyway, but I digress....

He was LATE. I was seriously worried that something might have happened. It was very weird.

So I let Greta grazed while we waited. It's the time of the appointment, I thought I would make a polite call just to see if everything was okay. Before the message tone rang, and I figured I wouldn't bother him with a message since he would probably be rolling up any minute, so I let it pass.

Fifteen minutes later. Greta is feverishly grazing (ground manners needed revisiting aka "*in death tone* OUT OF MY SPACE... sweetheart, good girlie, YAYYYYY, pats for pony!!! *big smile*") and I decide I call and actually leave a voicemail this time seeing if everything is okay if we're still on for the appointment today.

Message tone beeps. I think I wasn't paying attention to the lead rope, and somehow it got wrapped around her leg. She didn't totally flip out, but she was backing up quickly, and instead of standing still like the sane pony she normally is (she was very full of it today, could be anything, don't really care now, and I do like to see some life in her) she decided to back up quicker and quicker. I was calmly reaching for the end of the lead that was attached to her halter, telling her occasionally to whoa, keeping my energy chill as I didn't feel any need to flip out.

Well, Miss Full-Of-It decided once I got the lead and was pulling it away from her leg that it would be great fun to - get this - rear at me. It wasn't a big rear, but it had a lovely undertone of marish-ness in it. Oh, this just got very serious.

Oh, and meanwhile the voicemail is still recording.

So this is what the voicemail ended up being:

"Whoa-ohhhhhhh..... whoa-ohhhhhh..... whoa-ohhhhhhh...... whoa-ohhhhhh..................................... good girl- OH YOU DID NOT. KNOCK IT OFF YOU *poopy face*. TRY THAT ON ME AGAIN *female canine*. GO ON, TRY IT.................... oh *feces*, it's recording."

If only I had used that nice of language :(

Animal abuse, caught on tape. She was a very good girl after my outburst (no physicality involved, mind you, just a mere... intense vocalization). I had touch of bad-mommy feelings, until I realized that it was quite uncalled for, the whole rearing thing. I think it's that time of the month for Miss Greta.

I followed this voicemail up fifteen minutes later with a final check-up call in as sweetly sane of a voice as I could come up with: "Hey, J--, hope everything is okay, just wanted to make sure the appointment is still on for today. Let me know! Bye!"

I laughed then (after I ended the call!) realizing how insane I would sound to whoever found that string of messages.

And on the whole issue of "whoas"... I'll get back to that.