A Mother's Dictionary (personal notes in parentheses)
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the children play outside (like on a pony!)
Drooling: How teething babies (or teens sleeping in class) wash their chins (or their test).
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots (or when your teen does the typical, but thankfully not frequent, "that's not fair!")
Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Hearsay: What toddlers (or sixth graders) do when anyone mutters a dirty word (hey, Gee, what does **** mean?)
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies (or rocking out to Disney movie music when you're five........ it was practice for falling off a horse later on.)
Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge" (or when your teen makes a stupid mistake that sadly, a sponge can't pick up!)
Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for putting up with kiddos like me, who, even though we're legally an "adult", we are certainly not adults. Love you, Gee :)